A typical hardware-store toilet costs a hundred bucks. A fancy upscale fixture costs maybe $500. But for lavatory connoisseurs, there’s a parallel-universe luxury market where the bathroom throne costs more than a widescreen plasma TV. A few years ago, the Toto Neorest 600 caused a stir with its silent flush technology, remote control, and $5,800 price tag. Now Wisconsin-based Kohler splashes back with its new $6,390 Numi. It’s the state of the crapper art.

1. A 1.28-gallon flush for big jobs and a 0.6-gallon flush for number-ones, an industry low that uses 25 percent less water than standard dual-flush toilets. (Think of how much money you’ll save!)
2. A motion-detector automatically opens the lid and can tell when you’re standing, which triggers a low-water flush.
3. The retractable self-cleaning bidet wand is fully controllable. Use the toilet’s remote to aim the stream, adjust water pressure and temperature, and switch on the air dryer.
4. The heated seat can be adjusted to your preferred temp, and you can direct ground-level vents to blow warm air at your bare tootsies if you forget slippers.
5. The 15 x 26-inch bowl automatically cleans itself and has a charcoal air filter to eliminate off odors. Ambient lighting through translucent side panels helps set the mood.
6. Plug in your MP3 player or switch on the FM radio using the touchscreen wireless remote. Then rock out (or drown out, um, sounds) with the 15-watt speakers built into the toilet’s behind.