Apple’s sexy hardware and safe ecosystem lured me in, but I hate being an iSheep. Should I flee—or double down with an iPhone 5?

Scan of news database indicates that iPhone 5 will launch without Steve Jobs handling day-to-day operations (reason: medical leave). Also detecting references to dropped calls, “network congestion,” and #attfail. General references to iPhone include “the Maserati of smartphones.” References to Android-based hardware: “Ford Taurus.” Hardware features exclusive to Android include stereoscopic 3-D display (LG Thrill 4G) and 8-megapixel camera (HTC ThunderBolt). Survey of Lifehacker.com and other “power user” websites indicates that Android platform is perceived as offering greater openness and customizability compared with Apple. Cross-reference of “Apple” AND “sheep” indicates that letting the quadrupedal ruminant graze in orchards increases fruit production and lowers pest populations.

Recommendation: Go with Android if you’re concerned with openness, hardware options, and/or Steve Jobs’ health. Submit to Apple (and existence as a sheep) if you desire fewer bugs.