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Tuesday, 26 July 2011 18:00

Five Films Left on the Cutting-Room Floor

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  • 12:00 pm  | 
  • Wired August 2011

Illustration: The Heads of State

This summer’s multiplex offerings might have you thinking that Hollywood will green-light anything. But for every board-game-based adventure or kill-your-boss comedy that makes it to the big screen, there are dozens of flicks that don’t. Some get shot, then shelved (see Terry Gilliam’s The Man Who Killed Don Quixote); most don’t even get written (Sly Stallone’s Cliffhanger sequel, The Dam). Here are five films we would have paid to see—and the reasons we may never get the chance.

  • The Nightmare of Edgar Allan Poe

    Spawning endless punny “Thriller” headlines, producer Gary Pudney cast Michael Jackson in the title role for this chronicle of Poe’s last days. In preparation, Jackson began taking acting lessons from his pal Marlon Brando.
    DEMISE: Even under layers of makeup, it would still be Jacko playing Al-Po, which might have tested the bounds of credulity—and the Gloved One’s range. But they got so close: Pudney announced MJ would move to Montreal to film in 2000. Alas, talk about the project died down, and this nightmare disappeared forevermore.
  • At the Mountains of Madness

    Hellboy-helmer Guillermo del Toro was slated to adapt H. P. Lovecraft’s alien tale and had lured James Cameron to produce and Tom Cruise to star. But marquee billing would have gone to the Shoggoths: shape-shifting monsters that change form like socks being pulled inside out.
    DEMISE: Universal killed the film in March after del Toro refused to budge on a solid R rating—the studio wasn’t going to risk $150 million on a film the kiddies couldn’t see. Madness was a one-two punch for the director, who’d spent years developing The Hobbit, only to abandon it.
  • Genghis Khan

    Starring Steven Seagal … Actually, we could just stop there. While we don’t recall learning about Khan’s awesomely tiny ponytail, Seagal isn’t the strangest casting: John Wayne played Khan in The Conqueror. DEMISE: Announced in 1998, the project stalled when Seagal quit acting in 2001—allegedly for fear that unless he shed his previous associations, he wouldn’t be reincarnated as a lama. After he returned to acting, his production partner, suspected mob affiliate Julius Nasso, tried to shake him down for $150,000 a film. Nasso got 10 months in prison instead.
  • Rendezvous With Rama

    David Fincher’s first space mission was less than stellar: The studio reedited his Alien 3 into a hideous beast. Arthur C. Clarke’s 1973 novel, starring a 30-mile-long spaceship, promised redemption. Morgan Freeman bought the rights and tapped Fincher to direct. A Fincher-Clarke combo had fanboys drooling like, well, something out of Alien 3.
    DEMISE:The Rama team couldn’t summon the money or tech to fulfill its vision, leaving this craft idling on the launch pad. (Studio execs now claim it will take off.) Freeman’s injury in a 2008 car crash couldn’t have helped either.
  • Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian

    In this proposed sequel to Tim Burton’s 1988 hit, Lydia (Winona Ryder) again summons Beetlejuice (Michael Keaton), this time to stop a hotel from being built on an ancient Hawaiian burial ground. The flick would have featured the frizzy-haired hell-dweller transforming into a huge monster called “Juicifer.” DEMISE:Burton was distracted by Batman Returns, and Ryder and Keaton were on board only if Burton was steering. After several rewrite attempts—Kevin Smith declined an offer to try—the film was buried. If only repeating a name three times could change that …

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